Emails

A while back I had requests from a number of people that were interested in being exposed to some of my infamous emails that i would send to Mike and Charlotte. Some got a little taste whilst others missed out. Its been a while since I sent one and I know that Mike and Charlotte have been missing them so today I shall write a story that they would have expected to find.

In the weekend I gained a cold, well actually it was Friday straight after seeing Black Sabbath. On Monday I was still unwell so I decided to take the day off from work. I rang the office to tell them I wasn't coming into work. They told me I would have to bring in a medical certificate on Tuesday to prove that I was sick. A trip to the doctor for me then. Bullshit. I booked my appointment then went back to bed. I needed tissues as my nose was running bad so I went for a trip to the local supermarket just down the road. Its expensive but when your lazy and sick you have no other choice. At 4.00pm I went to my appoinment. The actual doctors office is above a pharmacy and you have to go through the pharmacy and up the stairs to get to the waiting room. I entered the waiting room, filled out some forms and took a seat. There were some interesting patients. A couple of walking deads, one of which said 'Yes' far too many times. She would say it to pose questions, add it to the middle of sentences and finally to end sentences. There was a guy that liked leather too much and a lady that had man thumbs which were attempted to be disguised by well manicured nails. There was someone else in the waiting room with me as well. Someone I was somewhat familiar with. It was an employee of that supermarket down the road I had brought the tissues from. Her name is Jaguar. I dont like her, she overcharged me on lettuce once. She was standing at the reception desk, sorting out something, perhaps making an appointment or paying a bill. She left the waiting room shortly after. I ended up waiting for around 50 minutes, watching patients and doctors going in and out. One of the doctors there was some lady and a vicious smokers voice. Not something I want to hear when im sick. I prayed that she wasnt my doctor. After pretty much everyone in the waiting room had cleared out I finally got to see the doctor. He was a really nice dude, and turned out to be the doctor that Patrick had gone to see. He gave me my medical certificate, proceeded in telling me to get a real job and then to get out of his office. I left paying fifty two fucking dollars for a piece of paper and still having a snotty nose. As I left the the waiting room and headed down the stairs I noticed that Jaguar was sitting on the top step reading a book. She hadnt actually left the office all those minutes ago, she must have been sitting there. It had to of been well over an hour. Why didnt she wait in the waiting room, wouldnt it have been more comfortable that sitting on the stairs?
I decided that I needed some food so I went to the supermarket just down the road from the doctors rooms (not Jaguars one). I brought my food and lined up at the checkout. Infront of me was a homeless man. It was the big beardy guy from the 'Welcome to St. Kilda' picture. He was talking to the checkout lady about how regular a customer he was and how he always goes to her isle. She wasnt in the mood, replying that she had just been accused of stealing and that her life wasnt worth shit. Everyone behind me was getting inpatient whilst the bum got excited at having her living in the same drop in house as him. Depressing as hell. Finally I brought my food and went home.